Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Aug 31, 2010

The kids and I had a nice weekend just hanging out. We watched some movies, swam and fished. They like being at my place; I think it's like a vacation for them. I'm trying to keep a regular pattern of bed-time etc. but it's also the weekend and they don't have their friends here to play with (they don't like me describing it as "playing" any more because they say they are too old to play).

Kelly called around 2 on Sunday afternoon asking if I'd bring the kids early for dinner and stay. She had bought some beer for me and wanted to cook steaks. I sensed a positive shift in momentum. We arrived about 4 and hung out on the back deck in the sun. It was like old times.

About 6:30 the kids and I were getting hungry but Kelly had been inside on the computer for about 15 minutes. I cut up potatoes, seasoned the meat, then did some yard work. By 7 she had not come downstairs so I started cooking. I called her to come to the table at quarter to 8. I sent Erin up to get her mom, but Erin said mom told her to start without her.

Kelly came down about 8:30 after we had finished and were cleaning up the dishes. She was agitated. I asked what was wrong and she said she got edgy if we were getting along too much. I didn't say anything, but didn't think that was it. She didn't eat the plate I left but went to watch TV and refilled her wine glass.

The kids sat with her on the couch but I felt really awkward. I left at 9 saying I had to get up and go to work the next day. Kelly said "And you think I don't work?" I said that wasn't what I meant. Needless to say, she didn't mention anything about inviting me to dinner but me cooking the whole thing and cleaning up.

She sent an email about 3 in the morning saying she couldn't respect herself if she stayed with me. I didn't know how to answer that. I know that not telling her that renovations we did (that she wanted) on the last house couldn't be covered by my income alone and that the mortgage was increasing was wrong, but I don't think it is the sole source of our problems.

I haven't talked to her today.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Aug 27, 2010

The first month of living in my own place is coming to an end. It has been surreal. Not really felt like living on my own either. I have had at least one of the kids most nights, and both of them about a quarter of the time. Plus I have been over at the house for a handful of nights, including a weekend when Kelly was in Vancouver.

I have the place rented for October, but not sure what is happening after that. There has been no change in Kelly's attitude towards reconciliation. I expect that when the kids are back in school next month, there will be new pressures to change the dynamics.

I haven't told my parents about the situation yet. They (especially my mom) don't like Kelly anyway, so I don't need to hear "I told you so". If we ever get back together, I don't want my mom referring to "The summer you left Paul" if she and Kelly ever talk.

The kids and I are planning to spend a quiet weekend at my place. I got them both fishing rods and we can use the dinghy they have here to hang out on the lake.

Not sure what Kelly is doing but at this point, I don't want to know.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Aug 23, 2010

Had a good couple of nights without the kids and no drama from Kelly. She had the kids at a family function on Sat an I guess it depressed her to be there by herself. Her sister is happily married (as we once were) with kids and her brother was there with his girlfriend and she was the only "single". She called me afterwards on my cell, but Brian and I were at the pub, so I didn't hear the call. And frankly, I don't think I would have answered anyway.

Yesterday, I came to the house at lunch get the kids for the afternoon and overnight. Kelly asked me to stay and talk. She was saying she wanted to know what I was planning to do at the end of next month when my 2 month rental is done. I said I hoped that she would want us to be living together again. She said she wanted that too but wasn't sure about her feelings for me.

I asked her to give me a specific about what she was thinking. She couldn't really but did say she was so unhappy with our lives in Winnipeg and was cross that I didn't listen to her enough about moving back. I didn't want to get into it and remind her of all the job interviews and exploratory trips I had taken to find a job here.

I did ask her if she was willing to attend counselling together. She said no, that she didn't think it would do any good to talk about it to anyone.

I'm getting a little sick of Kelly's unwillingness to DO ANYTHING to resolve this. She wants things to be different, to feel something different, but won't do anything to make it change.

This morning she called me at work to let me know the neighbour was up at 7 hammering and sawing. Like I'm supposed to do something about it. And of course I did. I called the by-law office to find out what he noise rules were. Then let her know.

At some point, she is going to have to start doing these things on her own.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Aug 19, 2010

Last night was good. Taylor's team played well but came up short. They are still young enough and goofy enough that is doesn't really matter who wins and looses. We had milk shakes on the way home, watched a little TV together. He called his mom to say goodnight and went to bed.

I have noticed that I have the kids call Kelly when they are with me, but so far she does not have them call to say good night when they are with her. Why is that?

I have both kids tonight and Kelly has asked for them tomorrow to go to a family function at her sister's. She didn't say I was un-invited but it was cellar I was not to be going with her. I wonder how she explains it to her mom? We all really get along; no scary mother-in-law scenarios ever.

Maybe Brian and I will go out Sat night.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Aug 18, 2010

An uneventful night spent at my place alone, without kids. I made a big stir-fry (the kids hate stir-fry so I only make it when I don't have to hear the complaints) and drank nearly 1/2 a bottle of Dr. Pepper (because I didn't have to share any). Picking up Tyler for baseball tonight and bringing him back here for some Father & Son time.

I should clarify my statement yesterday about meeting a woman for coffee. My counselor didn't come right out and suggest it. I was talking about how upset I was that Kelly was "dating" (even though she denies it; she says she is just getting together with friends she meets on-line). He said that her doing that and me not might cause an imbalance in the relationship. That I might resent her for it, or she might be ashamed she did, in the event we reconcile. He asked if I would be comfortable going out with anyone. I said I was not, but he said I didn't have to answer the question, just think about it. Even something as simple as meeting for a coffee and explore how I felt about it.

So far, I don't feel very good about it at all. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Aug 17, 2010

In the past week and a half, things have settled down from the drama of the last post. Taylor has had a baseball practice or game nearly every night. Since I'm assistant coach, I pick him up and often keep him over night. Erin has been staying over with me on the nights that Talyor doesn't except for a couple of nights I've been on my own.The kids say mom is spending alot of time on the internet - I suspect she is on-line dating now.

The first week Kelly wouldn't come to the door at drop off's or pick ups, but near the end of last week she warmed up again. This weekend she went to Vancouver and I stayed in the house. I got alot of the garden work done (weeding, brush cut back, sprinkler replacement and a new clothesline). I went back to my place on Sunday, but made dinner for everyone last night and stayed over.

I slept in the guest bedroom, but Kelly and I did make out after the kids went to bed. Erin is in drama camp this week so I dropped her off before coming into work.

My counselor recommends I meet some women for coffee etc if Kelly is going to be dating. I don't think I can do that.

(Note: Thanks for all the support. I'm keeping my guard up)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Aug 5, 2010

I haven't written for a few days. Too exhausted. Seems I messed up with Kelly and now things may really be over.

On Sunday, we planned to have a date at my new place, watch the Mariners, have a nice dinner etc without the kids. When I picked her up she was dressed nicely and we were both excited. I figured we would have about 30 minutes to relax and have a drink before the ball game started. Unfortunately it was an afternoon game and was already over by the time I turned on the TV.

Kelly was absolutely furious. She said this was something I always do, forget details and one of the reasons she can't stand being with me. I apologized for not considering the schedule would be different on a Sunday and tried to make the best of it. I pointed out we had wine, good food and a lake-view apartment with a hot-tub to ourselves.

She demanded I take her home.

On the way I asked her to reconsider, but she said we could never work it out because of this and that I was a loser. I got mad and slammed my foot down on the accelerator. We drove at a high speed for about half a mile. Kelly was screaming at me to slow down. When my anger subsided, I pulled over and she got out. She ran the rest of the way home.

I called later and Taylor told me that I had tried to kill his mom by driving her into a telephone pole. I said that did not happen, but he hung up.

I haven't heard from the kids since.