Monday, July 19, 2010

July 19, 2010

The emotional roller coaster continues. The kids and I had a good time camping; we always have. This was their first trip away on the Island and we found a cool waterfall/swimming hole about 2 hours away. Plus the weather was great. Kelly has never come camping, so the kids didn't think it was unusual. Erin asked why I wasn't at home much and Tyler tried to shush her. I guess Kelly hasn't really been telling them much either (even less than she tells me). I told her that mom needs to have some time to herself to get the house in order after them move, and that I'm putting extra time at work, since it's a new job. I don't know how much she accepted, but she's only 11 and seems to still want to believe the best in her parents.

When we got home last night, Kelly was very demonstrative saying how much she missed us all. I was prepared to head back to Brian's for the night, but Kelly asked me to stay. Secretly I was looking forward to going to Brian's because I was beat after sleeping in the tent for 2 nights and I knew staying with Kelly would mean staying up until 2.

Much of our discussion was the same as it's been: Kelly wants to move forward with our relationship but doesn't know how she can.  She won't consider counselling because nothing is her fault. She is confused because she had been convinced the relationship was over, but that I have really shown a willingness to "get better". I actually find that kind of insulting.

Sex was okay, but too late, too tired and she had too much to drink. I'm planning to stay in town tonight and get a decent 8 hours. One thing I have learned about myself is I'm not the nighthawk I thought I was.
Sleepy Paul!

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