July 9, 2010

Just over a week has passed since I arrived with the moving truck, the kids and dogs. Kelly had flown out from Winnipeg a week earlier to get started on painting the house while I finished packing up the truck. The kids and I had a great trip across the Prairies and through the mountains, really feeling the Canadian spirit. In fact, I felt very much like the "husband and provider" pulling into the driveway with all our belongings ready to start our new life in BC. Where she demanded we return five months ago.

So imagine my surprise when, rather than thank me for all the effort of loading the moving truck, towing the minivan and busting my ass driving through an Alberta heat wave (not to mention the pay cut that was necessary to take this new job), Kelly said that once the truck was unpacked she didn't want me to move my clothes in! That she wanted to spend some time not living with me! What the fuck?

Okay, I knew back in Winnipeg she wasn't happy, and had said it was time to come home the Victoria. She said she was going to go whether I came or not. She had been talking to some old friend from high school who 'apparetnly' told her she could move home if she wanted to, and that I wasn't listening.

But that's for another time.

So I've now got this empty moving truck and no place to live. I've been staying at her mom's for the past 2 months while I got settled into the new job and the kids finished school in Manitoba. Plus Kelly got the house sold for a really good price. So much for the recession.

I said I could stay with her mom for a few nights a week and give her some time to settle in. Plus it's a bit of a commute to work from the new house, so I can work late and rack up some overtime. Kelly said she would prefer I didn't stay with her mom because it might be awkward.

"Why awkward? "I asked, since her mom and I get along really well. Better than I do with my own mom.
"Because if I'm there with somebody my mom is going to feel awkward," she said.
Now I've got that sick feeling in my stomach. "Somebody like who?"
"I don't know, but if I see somebody I might want to go to my mom's and use the beach."

Long story short, she apparently wants to see other people and I have a sinking feeling she already has somebody in mind.

So I've been staying with a friend from work who has an empty basement suite for the summer and going up every other night to see Kelly and the kids. And I saw this work-counselor yesterday to get his advice. It actually ended up being more like therapy and he said I should keep a journal of my feelings.

I don't know what is going to happen, but sitting here on a Friday, all I can think is: What happens if my marriage is over? How can I be a father like this? Who am I if I'm no longer a husband? I didn't think I was really very good being a single guy before her, so what does the Paul look like?

Who is Man 2.0?